Deciding To Grow Up...

... sounds rather unrealistic. Well, maybe not.

It's the time of month when you get your payslip and the hard-earned moolah. What joy. But me? I can't help but complain inwardly that my allowance (which does not require office hours and work)  is slightly bigger.

The past month, I was asking myself if I can really do this. Live independently and survive without further support from my mom. There was no doubt I can do the former. I have been doing it for the past 5 years-- four years in Dumaguete for college and one year with the paid tourist stint in Yokohama. What was nagging in my mind was the latter.

Can I really survive without texting SOS to dear mother dear?

While having tantrums back home just so my mom would finally let me go, my answer was why not. When I was finally living way way up north, my answer was I guess. Now, that I'm already earning, it's I hope.

"I cant even go to the laundrymat as often." "When I was in college, I go to the salon for the manipeds weekly." "But, I eat out everytime in Dumaguete!" 

Trust me, my list of complaints can go on and on.

Perhaps the reason why I act childish most of the time is because I thought growing up was an epiphany. Like suddenly bursting into song inspired by wrackspurts or whatever. I thought growing up would just grow in me.

I would like to believe that I'm wrong. And I would like to believe further that people decide to grow up, choosing to be responsible. 

Maybe I focused too much on the fact that Peter Parker was just a nerd and shy schoolboy when the genetically modified spider bit him and made him Spiderman, the "with-great-power-comes-great-responsibility guy." I think it was the timing that called for it. It was "the" time to take on the great responsibility because-- hello--  the spider bit him. What else can he actually do?

Insert me, the I'm-waiting-for-the-call-of-responsibility-and-growing-up girl. I was waiting for the clouds to part, the angel to descend, and say, "Marianne stop with the foolishness and be mature. Take responsibilities." And then insert me again, this time the I-already-heed-the-call-of-responsibility me.

Maybe, I'm wrong.

Maybe, it's not all about waiting to grow up but, deciding to grow up. Maybe, I should be the one to tell the high heavens about it and not the other way around. Maybe I forgot Peter decided to be Spiderman and that the spider and his uncle were just a few things that helped him with the decision.

So, let's take all the maybes in this post and replace them with X. Granted, X was true, I'll give it a shot.

Presenting my First Steps of Acting Like A Grown-up List.

1. Stop whining about petty things.
2. Stop not doing the laundry just because it would ruin my nails.
3. Stop playing ma...

Hep. Wait. I may have had the epiphany but I ain't a saint. Keeping the list at number 2 as of the moment. 

No comments: